In this week's podcast episode I admitted that I only recently read the classic book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". You will notice I left off How to Win Friends on the title of this candy bag post. Because if you are like me you are not necessarily looking for new friends at this stage in your life.
I am not really a people person per se. I find people interesting and that has served me well in the real estate industry. Real estate is a career where you can explore psychology and how humans think without getting a PhD.
Whether you are working with prospects, clients or customers, other co-op agents, team members, employees, or just the general public; there are so many different personality types to deal with and understand. If you do not explore and master personality types, strengths, rapport building, and the art of asking questions you will not succeed in working with A LOT of people. And maybe that's ok. You can certainly target consumers and look for like minded people and things don't have to be so complicated. But to build a big business you will have to understand others and better yet, help them understand themselves.
I get along with most people. I may not want to go out to dinner and talk for hours with everyone, but I can carry on a conversation with almost anyone. It wasn't always like that.
I was a very shy child. I used to hide behind my mom's leg and when people spoke to me I tucked deeper into her leg. As I grew older that did not change much. I went to a private school until 9th grade. That first day of high school when lunch break came, I grabbed my tray of food and sat alone at the lunch table. The first few friends I made were literally the 3 people who sat down next to me to share the table (probably because there weren't many other seats open). I didn't approach them or go out of my way to find friends.
Fast forward many years later and I have no problem striking up a conversation with someone if I need to. That is simply because of 2 things:
I was forced to learn how to talk to people (who I didn't necessarily have anything in common with) as a bartender through college.
I started reading books about asking questions.
I still don't seek out new friends on a regular basis, but I have learned how to be interested in others and ask questions. That one skill has helped me grow my business and one I'll continue to work on for the rest of my life.
Study people and your career will be easier and honestly just more fun. Because despite not seeking out new friends, I have managed to make quite a lot by simply selling them a house and taking the time to get to know them.
Resources and Ideas for growing your people skills:
DISC Personality Assessment - Know your personality and identify others. Strength Finders - What are your strengths and how can you use these in life and business? Identify others strengths if you will be working with them.
Find a Networking or Non-profit organization and force yourself to lead a committee or be the president (be sure the organization is something you are interested in so it's fun and not a chore)
Offer to teach at your office or run a mastermind group Find classes or reading material on Rapport Building
Books to Read:
How to Win Friends and Influence People - for tips on being a good human and helping others see your point of view.
Exactly What to Say - for practical phrases to influence people ONCE you understand their wants/needs
The 7 Powers of Questions - understanding how powerful questions are and examples
7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Although this book is a lot about productivity there's some good content about seeking to understand and creating win win solutions. If you can understand these concepts you will also be making friends and influencing people
Fierce Conversations - Let's be honest not all dialogues are simple and easy. Sometimes we have to have difficult conversations too!
What are your favorite tips or books for improving your skills on talking with and influencing others?
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